When numbers shouldn't matter...but they do

I'm a competitive person. Didn't I mention that before? Well I am. I am also the worst loser you can imagine...well, maybe not the worst, but I am very bad. However this post will be focused on me being competitive against...myself.

Here is the thing, I am doing great on my reading challenge this year (I am very modest as you can see) but I am not satisfied. As I write this I have read 31 books already this year, and that's awesome, right? Is already more books I read in 2010 (20) and I will probably managed to read more than I read in 2011 (37) by June, so in half the time. Even better, I have already LOVED more books this year than I did in the aforementioned years. Does this make me happy? Off course it does. Is it bitter sweet? Yes and the only reason is this "you have to do better" voice in my head that is concentrated on one itsy bitsy factor: pages.

PAGES! Number of pages people! Is it ridiculous? Maybe. I am perfectly conscious that it shouldn't be about quantity but quality? Sure. Am I a person that is a bit over attached to quantifying? You bet your dollar I am. Is not entirely my fault, ok? I am after all in research; numbers have A LOT of weight in my daily life. You can tell me (I can tell myself) that is not the grade that actually shows what I learnt...but I need that grade.

And how come I've read more books, yet fewer pages? Ha! Easy: Audible. Yeap there you have it, fairly enough audio books do not add to your page count, which makes sense, because they do not have pages, right? I did my homework people (I told you, I had a problem) and give or take a bit, since I cannot know if I would've read the book in paperback, hardcover or e-book...I could've had more than 4500 pages extra.

So here I am. Instead of being happy and excited about how well my reading life is going this year, I am sulking about the fact that I haven't read enough pages. Buhu. I am a bit ashamed to actually write all of this actually. But they say that the first thing you have to do when you have a problem is admitting you have one. And this is my admitting post. I will work on ignoring that voice that is concentrated in pages and just be happy and grateful for my reading life. If you guys have any suggestions (help groups, mantras, you know) to deal with this please let me know. If you don't but you have a similar problem, let me now too! Maybe we can start a group or something ;)